I never thought I would do this...

I always told myself I would never have a blog. Main reason being my thoughts are meant to be my own, not to be told to others unless I tell them myself. Guess I've changed my mind.

But my consolation is that I can remain unknown, unless I were to tell others about this. I would hope not. My thoughts are too dark and intense and shameful, at times, to share with others. My thoughts are mine alone, unless I choose to share them.

I am worried about tomorrow. I don't know how to face the rest come the new working day. I appreciate what he told me the other day. I have suspected some of it, but to hear it out in the open like that was still akin to a slap in the face.

This would be a good time to take a step back and reflect on what I want. Do I continue like this, becoming a puppet or do I change and do my best to be what I used to aspire to be? The former is what I detested but which I've become exactly. Can I live up to my dreams and expectations of the past?

I am glad that we will be meeting on Tuesday evening. I would need some of the advice and guidance. She had told me before but I still fall into the trap.
I was angry at them the other time. But after hearing what he said, I realised the anger is unwarrented. It was misdirected. The only person I can blame is myself, for being so blind. There were hints and warning signs but I choose to ignore them.
You can only say you are 'NEW' for so long. 6 months is long enough.

I PROMISE TO FIGHT FOR HIM TOMORROW. This is the least I can do for him. But my strategy is to lie low for the time being. No unnecessary words out of my mouth. I need to take a step back and reflect. I should have done it over the weekend, but there were distractions here and there. Still no excuses for that. It IS a HIGH priority.

'dis a long enough rumbling for my first post. Plus I need to wake up early tomorrow. Let's hope I will use this in the future as well...