Child-Like State

I just realise this is how I behave, at times, in my workplace. This is bad. I am supposed to be an adult, with responsibilities and all. How do I get people to work when I can't even behave appropriately myself?

This is especially bad when I have to interact with my colleagues. We are of the same level but yet, I feel, which they also do, that they just treat me like a kid at times. Make that most of the time...

As much as this treatment is nice, but in the long run, is it doing me good? I do have to stand on my own 2 feet at the end of it all. I do not give off that assurance nor maturity that comes along with age. This will be my downfall, I feel.

On a separate note, he is guilty of that and more. It really broke my heart that he has not learnt his lesson. I would have to wonder how I am going to interact with him and all...

It's only Wednesday. But this seems to be the longest week of them all...

Would it do him good?

It seems to be inevitable, unless CO were to change his mind come Monday morning. It seems unlikely, based on what was discussed thus far.

I am still in a turmoil. I really don't know if it's the right thing to do. I sense that he does not appear to have repent. But this could be just my anger talking, seeing as I am one of his victims. Nonetheless the others also seem to think the same...

I really cannot help but ponder: That could easily have been me. I could have been in the same situation. How close I came to losing everything.

This is a unique situation that I found myself in. I have gone through what he had and is going through now. However I still end up being a victim, and did not even realise what he was up to. As much as there is anger and disappointment of me being a victim, there is also something else. It almost serves as a grim reminder of my foolishness in the past. Present still, taking into account of my brother.

The decision to embark on the course of action is as much mine as it is theirs. I have to bear my fair share of responsibility for it. If it really happens, like what was mentioned, I would have to provide the emotional and mental support and encouragement after.
I really hope that he would sincerely repent after this, if it's really inevitable...

Old Nightmares

After what happened today, I really am in shock. Thinking back, I could also have been the one. I could also have been in the same situation.

Who or what is going to prevent me from NOT falling into the trap?
This is way close to my heart. Like what I told them, I can't think this straight and clear.

But there is still tomorrow to cope with. I still have to face him and the rest.

The fear that it could be happening to me is real and immediate. It's my brother. It's me.