Tuesday Tears

What was it that made me breakdown in the office?

Gotta be honest, the matter was really trival. It should not have gotten to me because she had scolded me before on the same issue. Then why did I breakdown?

Right now, my answer is that she got me at a time when I was feeling vulnerable.

But if I were to think through clearly, I misinformed her and this set her off. She then went on and on, throwing in salt and pepper.
All the stuff that she said, it's not new. She had already said it before. But still it galls me that she got to me.

Nonetheless I stand by what I told YY. If ever I were to breakdown in front of her directly, this would signal the end of me. Then she would use this to constantly hammer me and make me into her stooge.

Monday Blues

1. Hearing about their exploits last Saturday just makes me jealous. They are pretty by conventional standards, making it easy for them to get guys.
I would never be them or like them in that sense. There would never be guys after me.
It's not just with them. It's the same with others. I would never be the guy's first choice. I am the leftover, the leaf next to the rose.

2. Why must he reject the draft? Why must he question it? That guy already said he wants to stay, status quo.
No wonder I'm ranked last. I deserve to be. I can't even accomplish a simple task...

3. Stupid me. To have lent him the money and he went drinking. I won't be surprised if he would not get confirmation. It's not I'm cursing him or anything. I would be more than happy if he gets the job. But then...

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

Money, Money, Money

Money is not everything. But you can't live without it...

Saw the bank account balances. Just can't help marvelling at how utterly miserable it is. And I don't think my expenses for this month will be going down anytime soon...

Think it would be easier to sell myself...

Surrender

I now realise there were bigger issues surrounding me. But just that I've been too stuck in the mud to look around.

Have I given up my idealism and caved into the cynism and nonchalent attitude? Is this what they term as realism?

Nay, on further thought, I think this is just escapism. I have always engage in that at different periods of my life.
Now would be no different.