Thus far...

Here's the quick update:

1. I've move on to a new official appointment --> i've become uphappier

2. I've become a misunderstood person, even within my private spheres...

Is growing older a chore or just another phase in life?

There's nothing holding me back.
Really time to move on.

On a plus point, I'll be away for a while.

Responsibility

Maybe it's a sense of misresponsibility. Or rather a false sense of responsibility which should not be in me.

Nonetheless, this is really hampering me.

2+ years. This is getting nowhere.

Deja Vu

Can't believe they did it to me again!
Can't believe I actually took their word for it!

Bloody fucking fool that I am!

How am I going to face her again?!

And she had the gall to go and change it twice! Well-done!

Listening

After hearing what she said, I realised some of the actions described are applicable to me as well.

I don't want to make use of anyone but sometimes, it can really be described as that. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me when he raised his voice at me after I've asked him questions.

I feel sick to my stomach at my own behaviour. Because I really recognise some of it as my own. If people are commenting such stuff, what are they commenting on me..

Listening's not that bad after all. You could always pick up mistakes that others have committed and try to avoid the same fallacy. But now is I have to find the patience to do that.
And to listen attentively, instead of one ear in, the other out.

The First Time...

I'm being a bridesmaid.
Gotta admit, never realised just how much preparation there actually is. Makes me almost wanna elope, if ever I were to find someone.

I've done a facial.
It was a good and relaxing feeling. But actually am wondering: Did it really do me any good? My spots are alot more obvious, but my complexion seems to be the same. At least I didn't sign up for the package yet.

I've realised how vain I can be.
I did the facial because I was a bridesmaid And a whole lot of other things as well. But also in the quest of beautifying myself.
As much as I try to deceive myself, I still cannot deny that there is still a part of me that desires to be the Beautiful Swan, instead of the Ugly Duckling...

Money

The saying, "Money is not everything. But neither can you live without it." is so true.
When I appear to have a lot of it, I tend not to want to spend it. But when I'm down to my last $10 in my account and there's another week to go before payday, I will just be in a heck-care attitude.

Would that be a good sign? I just feel like a Ms Scrooge when I can afford it. Ms Spendthrift when I am really down in the dumps.

But yet, why am I denying myself the material pleasures when I can afford them?

The recent example really woke me up. Why don't I use my money on myself rather than giving it to someone else (who may have ulterior motives)?
Then comes the thought of: No, must plan for the future...

I think the Protestent Ethic could really be applied on me. To deny the current instant gratification in exchange for eternal satisfaction (if the lattar ever comes about, of course) [Or it could also be just a myth]

Last night was the first time in a long time since I heard her shouted in anger. Over the same issue. But can't blame me for leaking it out. I think it did him well. Actually after the last 2 weeks.